Merry Christmas – Insurance Style

This infamous poem, “T’was the Night Before Christmas”, was emailed to our agency years ago (author unknown). It’s not the traditional Christmas poem however. This is the insurance version which other insurance nerds like me should appreciate. Insurance people out there, let me know what you think.


T’was the night before Christmas (12:01 A.M. PST 12/25/10) and all through the house (single family, stucco frame, 2 story, 2400 sq. ft. territory 61, PC 2)

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (pride of ownership, excellent maintenance). The stockings (flame retardant) were hung by the chimney (contractor installed) with care in hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there. (in spite of dead-bolt locks and central station alarm, certificate on file).

The children (ages 4,8,14 &16) were all nestled snug in their beds (check on 16-year-old – possible undisclosed driver) while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. (check for substance abuse)

Mama in her kerchief (scheduled heirloom) and I in my cap had just settles down for a long winters nap. (check employment status)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter (check condition of premises/housekeeping), I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter.  Away to the window I flew like a flash, threw back the curtains and tore open the sash (intentional destructive act – no coverage)

What to my wondrous eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer. (note to check if sleigh rated business use and corporate owned or maybe mobile equipment) With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick (order medical on older driver, notify life underwriter for possible table rating)

More rapid than eagles (check mvr) his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted (possible aggressive driver) and called them by name: Now Dasher (turbo?) now Dancer (classic?) now Prancer (check lifestyle) now Vixen (definitely check lifestyle) on Comet (possible muscle deer) on Cupid (lifestyle again) on Donner (4X4) and Blitzen (drinking problem?)

To the top of the porch to the top of the wall (check for structural damage also look into height exposure and CGL PD deductible?), now dash away, dash away, dash away all.  So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, with sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas to. (check for possible retail delivery classification)

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. (check for shingle damage also classification of operations; roofing is a prohibited class)  As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.  He was dressed all in fur (scheduled item?) from his head to his foot and his clothes were tarnished with ashes and soot.  A bundle of toys he had flung on his back (Check to be sure there is a safety manual and that there has been lifting training) and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. (order medical report) The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth (note-not eligible non-tobacco discount) and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. (check smoke alarms to be sure operational) He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf (overweight for height – additional table rating) and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread (home invasion, stranger enters past alarm and insured not worried? Possible moral risk) He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk (review work place ergonomic compliance) and laying his finger side of his nose and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. (Chimney sweeps is a prohibited class?)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like a down of a thistle. (check GVW for proper classification – light/service/local seems unlikely) But I heard exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night” (check hours of operation?, seasonal risk? and limits of liability?)


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About Jimmy Kinmartin - Business Insurance & Risk Management

Jimmy is a California licensed Property & Casualty AND Accident & Health insurance agent working at the Olson Duncan Insurance brokerage based in Torrance and Irvine, CA. He grew up in Fullerton, CA and graduated from Servite High School in Anaheim and Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles and currently lives in Tustin, CA. Have questions? Just ask! Or, follow Jim on Twitter at @JimKinmartin

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